Seethed anger

 

Dear Journal,

                Been a while, now I have done a lot of retrospection and I realized a couple of things. First my mind is very critical and I have to learn to mediate the balance to stay sane, that is my case. I never knew how to be normal, I had to shape shift to act and look normal, yet I feel like an alien playing human. I also have so much anger and disgust but I have to go above and beyond to actually love myself. I was always on the verge of killing myself because of the noise in my head, it was like I'm never enough for myself. I was so busy in my own world ever since I offered and tried to be normal, maybe I was just too different. Then again maybe I'm just hurting because I never felt being loved by my parents, they were too caught up in their world the never ending fights and arguments the shouting I would hear when I wake up. I never heard the word love from them, now being an adult it left me impaired on the thought it makes me disgust instead. I feel a lot of emotion but it only drops down to fear, anger, and disgust with no in between. From now on I will work on the meaning and extent of self love. I will not let the voices run me over again, I will fight everyday. Quote of the day "we will remember what we choose by Liz Murray"