Being a gen-z

 

Dear Journal,

                Hey there I'm kinda sentimental right now with the ambiance being close to midnight and the background music playing right now; it must have been love, oh how ironic. I have been feeling so tired from my everyday routine I think I have too many dogs, I gave them a bath everyday and some of them sometimes twice a day and for update there's currently 5 dogs and my body is already giving up. I don't find it fulfilling anymore like my relationship, since I never lasted this long without permanently self sabotaging. I find it amazing how can a person still be together romantically with another for a lifetime, maybe I'm just too toxic to understand. But I'm trying, it's just right now beyond me. I'm pretty sure when I graduate I'll be single and here comes another guy, then the rest is history. I just wish my future husband whoever you may be please move faster, I'm tired of moping around. Being with my current boyfriend just drains the energy or life out of me, I mean yes we're both good. This time when I graduate I'm gonna focus on my career boys come and go, mama needs stability to live her fantasy. I'm just the type of person lately I don't know when to leave after the biggest flop the TOTGA lol. I still think about him, he was such a great guy and I was just too immature and toxic to realize, the song was a great momentum "when will you realize-slow down you crazy child: Vienna". I love myself and I am very grateful of my life. I just need to find a lot of side jobs to save a shit load of money and live life in a movie filter before this life ends, not that I'm pessimistic just hopeful to live life. If I were given a chance I would still go back to my ex but that was 4 years ago today. This is crazy me saying these cringey stuff, damn karma does happen. Guess right now I'll just focus on being a "better man: Robin Williams". 

Cheers to another year!

 

Dear Journal,

                Hi how have you been? me my sail so far has been smooth sailing. And lately a jewelry piece caught my eye and then I realized for the time being I cannot afford to buy it instantly, I was saddened even after I reached out to people closest to me but then again I respect their decision. I wish I handle my finances well and have a firm boundary. For update on the holidays since I have gone MIA here my stories prior to Christmas and during, I spent the day with my friends with fun and games we even had a secret Santa, birthday bash, beautiful dinner, pajama party, and a club imitation but just at her room. I think we were almost a dozen and it was at our friend's place where we usually hang out and drink or bond just basically the place, it started since we were freshies and now I guess we're juniors and soon seniors then adulthood welcomes us. I wish to enjoy life more and overthink less, guess a little ignorance would be a nice bliss for me. 

I missed writing here and to someone if ever is reading, well hey there I wish you luck and prosperity for the upcoming year! Going back to my stories for December of 2024, wow it was last year! Anyway after that event you know celebrating with friends we got drunk, early next morning my boyfriend fetched me and I was not fully sober and was on the verge of emitting vomit but I restrained myself and do what a responsible drinking adult would do, pull over at a convenience store and buy whatever food and non-alcoholic drinks, then we went through a drive through at McDonald's it tasted like heaven that time I ordered the breakfast set by the way. Then we went to his place and his family was finishing prepping to go to the trip and I was shy as always, I'm trying my best to be respectful and maintaining a good boundary from them since I don't know how to interact much. Then to summarized the trip was great and I gave my boyfriend his birthday gift which is a nice sturdy watch from Fossil, he liked it so I'm contented. Then after that we went to the city and strolled around and then I think I went home at late night. 

My experience lately had me at awe since when I was a kid I always dreamt of having these independent moments like I always knew would happen, but when it's happening to me I seemed to be not practicing gratitude and I should! But, as I get older my perspective changes like I'm a new person every year and that's scary. I want to know what I would work on and earn from, as of now that is my struggle because well I'm not sure if I want to work as a nurse, since the pay is not well. When I was young I always knew what to do but that was based on movies I watched, now that I'm at the same age as those movies with same environment like during and post college finding purpose and such. I feel more lost now that I am getting older, how does people know what they want? For instances here are the imaginary world I want from: my own apartment or condo/penthouse that has two bedrooms and a nice top view of the city lights, a good paying job, aesthetic life, saved a lot of money, do what I love (which now I don't know yet), group  of friends (where we bond at times on that 2000s vibes on a cafe or fancy Japanese restaurant and such). And then after years of that blissful life I would be ready to settle and have kid/s of my own and give them a beautiful and lovely future. Now that would be a happy ending, I will still manifest these because you never know if you stopped believing! Keep on moving forward let's go!